Control Freak

I've not been myself lately.  Ever feel that you're stuck somewhere you never intended, and can't find the exit?  That's been me lately.

So, I do what we do, and look for wisdom in books.  I'm done with the whole "do what you love and the money will follow" trip and no longer feel that my destiny lies within finding the perfect job.  I want a more fulfilling LIFE, and a job in Corporate America isn't going to accomplish that.  I find myself looking for "truth" - whatever that is, and try to separate the wheat from the chaff.

I've been reading this great book called "The Divine Matrix" by Gregg Braden.  He posits that quantum physics is the underlying truth of the universe, and he pretty much has me convinced.  I strongly recommend reading him, but this is a blog - not a book review.

So, I'm reading Braden today and he's talking about "mirrors," which he says are reflections of ourselves manifested in our closest relationships.  He says that the things that drive us mad in those relationships are the exact same things that make us personally unhappy and keep us from growing spiritually (and otherwise).

I take his words to heart and think about my personal relationships.  I'm pretty much cool with everyone, I think at first.  Then, I start digging deeper......

I have been compared all my life to a set of standards that never fit me.  The person of whom I speak believes that he/she knows exactly what I should (and shouldn't) do, and I should do what he/she thinks I should.  Lots of shoulds there, I know, and that's a word that causes lots of trouble.

I thought about this a lot today.  And realization kicked in pretty swiftly.  I do exactly the same thing.  Sometimes I voice it, and sometimes I just manifest the "if you want a job done right,..." thing.  I became really conscious of that behavior in myself today, and caught myself many times trying to take control of things that had no business being controlled by me.

So, I'm consciously working on letting go of control.  I never, ever considered myself a control freak, but I find that I exhibit many of the traits.  Just because I think someone should conduct their business, or their life, or their social life a certain way, doesn't make me right and him/her wrong.  I have no right of judgment.  And letting go of that imagined right of control has made me feel a bit freer - and opened me up to change.

A good exercise for me as a coach is that I'm not allowed, through my training, to tell a client what I think he/she should do.  My job is to let the client filter his/her own ideas through me, and figure out what the best thing is.  The greatest gift in that is that I learn through my client's experiences and ideas.  A good coaching relationship is win/win - not "do what I think you should and everything will turn out alright."

Peace.