Control Freak

I've not been myself lately.  Ever feel that you're stuck somewhere you never intended, and can't find the exit?  That's been me lately.

So, I do what we do, and look for wisdom in books.  I'm done with the whole "do what you love and the money will follow" trip and no longer feel that my destiny lies within finding the perfect job.  I want a more fulfilling LIFE, and a job in Corporate America isn't going to accomplish that.  I find myself looking for "truth" - whatever that is, and try to separate the wheat from the chaff.

I've been reading this great book called "The Divine Matrix" by Gregg Braden.  He posits that quantum physics is the underlying truth of the universe, and he pretty much has me convinced.  I strongly recommend reading him, but this is a blog - not a book review.

So, I'm reading Braden today and he's talking about "mirrors," which he says are reflections of ourselves manifested in our closest relationships.  He says that the things that drive us mad in those relationships are the exact same things that make us personally unhappy and keep us from growing spiritually (and otherwise).

I take his words to heart and think about my personal relationships.  I'm pretty much cool with everyone, I think at first.  Then, I start digging deeper......

I have been compared all my life to a set of standards that never fit me.  The person of whom I speak believes that he/she knows exactly what I should (and shouldn't) do, and I should do what he/she thinks I should.  Lots of shoulds there, I know, and that's a word that causes lots of trouble.

I thought about this a lot today.  And realization kicked in pretty swiftly.  I do exactly the same thing.  Sometimes I voice it, and sometimes I just manifest the "if you want a job done right,..." thing.  I became really conscious of that behavior in myself today, and caught myself many times trying to take control of things that had no business being controlled by me.

So, I'm consciously working on letting go of control.  I never, ever considered myself a control freak, but I find that I exhibit many of the traits.  Just because I think someone should conduct their business, or their life, or their social life a certain way, doesn't make me right and him/her wrong.  I have no right of judgment.  And letting go of that imagined right of control has made me feel a bit freer - and opened me up to change.

A good exercise for me as a coach is that I'm not allowed, through my training, to tell a client what I think he/she should do.  My job is to let the client filter his/her own ideas through me, and figure out what the best thing is.  The greatest gift in that is that I learn through my client's experiences and ideas.  A good coaching relationship is win/win - not "do what I think you should and everything will turn out alright."

Peace.

A Penny and Some Duct Tape

Recently, a very small but very important bit fell off my brake pedal in my car.  That tiny bit caused my brake lights to stay on even when the car was turned off.  Naturally, this ran the battery down, and I had to call AAA for a jump.

The guy who came to help did indeed jump start my car, and listened to my description of what I was experiencing.  He, possessing a mechanical mind and being very proud of it, messed around and fidgeted with my brake pedal, and fixed - at least temporarily - my problem.  He did it with a penny and a piece of duct tape.  He was happy to do it and I was thrilled to have such an easy fix!

He told me to go to my dealership and buy a certain part; he said someone in the parts department could look at it for me and I could buy and install the part myself.  All good.

I go to the dealership.  I am made to understand that, for someone to open my car door and stick their head in, I will be charged for labor.  I see a sign on the dealership window that states that the labor charge is.....  $99/hour.  I'm pretty sure I know what I want and go ahead and buy the part, even though no one at the dealership will give me the time of day except to tell me they can't look at my problem without charging me, and that the part I eventually buy is not returnable.

 Turns out the part I bought isn't necessary.  So there's $7.82 I'll never see again.

Luckily, I still have my penny and duct tape and, though the duct tape is wearing out, and I have to periodically shimmy underneath the dash to adjust the penny, all is fairly well.  That is, if you don't mind having to bend your not-so-young-and-flexible-as-it-used-to-be body into a contortionist pose each time you park your car.

So, yesterday I went to my sister and brother-in-law's house out in the country.  My BIL is Australian and can pretty much fix anything (it seems to be a nationalist tendency).  He looks at my car and agrees that all I need is an itty bitty part.  He can fix it with a nickel and super glue, if that's what I want.  Hell, yeah, that's what I want.  I would rather have someone who gives a damn fix my car like MacGyver than take it to a corporate entity that only tells me what can't be done, instead of what can.


So, one of the lessons I took from this experience is: There's more than one way to accomplish a goal; and it helps to have creativity, goodwill and an open mind.

And duct tape.

All You Need Is...

It's everywhere and nowhere.  It's the most powerful thing on earth.  Everyone is talking about it.

Love.

The love I'm talking about is spiritual love.  It's supposed to be such a simple concept; yet I don't think I really understand it.  Christianity says, "Love your neighbor."  Buddhist love is about compassion and non-attachment.  Most faiths and traditions celebrate a "God is Love" ethos, at least in spirit if not in practice.

Those of us who practice non-traditional (non-Western) spirituality speak often of "unconditional love."  How am I supposed to love unconditionally?  I'm pretty sure I don't love Halliburton, British Petroleum, Glenn Beck, etc.  There are even a few rare individuals whom I actively dislike (each of whom I worked for at one time).  I pretty much like everybody; some better than others.  And I believe that I have loved unconditionally at some moments in my life.

Perhaps I have trouble understanding the concept of universal unconditional love because I've never experienced being loved unconditionally myself.  It's hard to put something out in the world if you don't truly understand what it feels like.  The closest feeling I can relate to is that of acceptance.  I can feel self-acceptance (most of the time), but that's been a hard row to hoe to get there.

Perhaps for me, acceptance can be my version of unconditional love.  I'm afraid that's the best I can do right now.  I don't feel like it's enough, though, and I want the experience of loving unconditionally in a spiritual way.  I want to open myself up to it, but I'm unsure how.  I don't think anyone can teach us how to do that, and I'm distrustful of (many of) those who say they can.

So, what's a girl to do?  For me, that must mean loosening some of my mistrust and skepticism, while still maintaining a fully functional bullshit detector.  The more I read and study, the better able I am to separate the wisdom from the hokum.  I need friends around me who are also spiritually aware, to share and love.  Friendship is love.  Action can be love.  The natural world is love.  And I want it.

Peace

Language is Our Friend

I'm that annoying person who sends grammatically correct text messages.

I say this with great love, but with a great deal of annoyance. What the heck happened to English grammar and punctuation? I know many people who have smart, interesting, WISE things to say - however, their messages are garbled by bad spelling, non-existent punctuation and capitalization, and extremely limited sentence structure. What happened to the written English language?

I have friends who are teachers, and I don't blame them for a minute. I blame so many for this, but I'll get popped for being "culturally insensitive" if I name names. Our English language can be so poetic, and I personally hate to hear ugly language. "Where you at?" can make my good day, well, bad.

I know that, for myself, I can't take seriously posts from people who can't communicate well. I give bonus points for people who can express themselves eloquently (Dominique Browning - "http://www.slowlovelife.com/." Does that make me an elitist? If so, well, then, "Hell, yeah!"

I choose to live in a literate world. I choose beauty, elegance, literature, poetry and art. I will not apologize. I can see those "gems" in writings that are, shall we say, less than eloquent, but I have to try harder to see them, and give the benefit of the doubt. That takes extra effort. Most people won't put out that effort, and will, no doubt, lose the wisdom of a "less than literate" effort.

That is one of the reasons that I offer services as an editor - blog, web, speech, etc. Messages are best delivered in language that is music to the ear. Please, please, please let me help you.

Namaste!

Be a Leader

This is so amazing and true. As I complained in my last post, there are "leaders" who are not true. This type of leadership is beyond true, and I celebrate it!

What Life Coaching Is and What It Shouldn't Be

This has been on my mind alot lately.

I have a reputation for not suffering foolishness gladly, if at all. I am beyond nauseated at the proliferation of self-help seminars, webinars, workshops, etc. that promise to use some secret that allows us to attract good luck just by wishing for it (and you know what I'm talking about). Yes, I believe that our own positive, loving energy and that of others can manifest change in our lives. I believe that good works are their own reward. And I believe that there's a sucker born every minute and some charlatan ready to take her money.

A good life coaching relationship benefits both the coach and the coached, through the sharing of experience and mutual respect. A life coach is supposed to lead you to insight - not tell you what to do. Nor is a coach ever to tell you that what you're doing is all wrong.

We Life Coaches are, at best, intuitives with a love of and interest in our fellow human beings, taking fulfillment from guiding fellow travelers through our hard-won wisdom. At worst, we are profiteers who offer the promise of joy, wealth, perfect love, etc. with little regard for the fallout after the first flush of success fades. As I said above, life coaching is a relationship; not an evening or a weekend spent in the glow of a charismatic leader with promises to sell. That workshop may be really fun, but don't expect it to change your life.

So ends my rant. Goddess grant me patience, wisdom and clarity to see the kernels of truth through the smoke and mirrors; and to graciously keep my mouth shut when someone mentions the law of attraction...

Peace.